


The Wasteland Survival Guide: Robotics 101

by AndyAO3



Series: Angry Marshmallows and Sad Robots [4]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: Gen, It's just a drabble, Sad Robots, The Wasteland Survival Guide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 13:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5376251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndyAO3/pseuds/AndyAO3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A clipping from one of the most widely distributed survival guides in the wastes, written by the Lone Wanderer himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wasteland Survival Guide: Robotics 101

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been meaning to post for a while, it just never got done until last night. It's written in Ted's voice, and it's part of the main Angry Marshmallows And Sad Robots series, but I'm posting it as a standalone in case anyone cares that isn't me (although I doubt anyone does). It directly references A3-21's first holotape, but timeline-wise that was all my Lone Wanderer had when he wrote this. It was the first he'd heard of synths or androids that wasn't something out of a scifi novel, but he took the idea and ran with it anyway because that kind of thing has always appealed to him.
> 
> Did you guys know that if you take the Robotics Expert perk you can convince Moira to let you write a chapter of the Wasteland Survival Guide for her? I didn't until my third playthrough, which just shows how little I paid attention for my first couple of playthroughs.

**.:introduction:.**

Robots.

The word "robot" originally appeared in 1921, in the Czech play _Rossum's Universal Robots_ by Karl Capek. It comes from a word meaning "compulsory labor". The robots in the story were meant to free mankind from menial tasks so that humanity might be free to live easy, leisurely lives. Like most stories about technological advancement back then, it didn't go well. But the idea sparked a wildfire in the science fiction community, and soon after that the scientific community set themselves on a course to make it more than just fiction. By 2077, robots were everywhere.

And as of 2277, they're still everywhere. That's why this passage exists; the people who lived before the war made their pets to order without realizing those pets would still be kicking around long after the rest of the world had forgotten about them. They went into it expecting pretty goldfish and obedient dogs and now we're the ones who have to deal with the thinking, feeling entities that they left behind.

It's no wonder those idiots blew themselves up, frankly.

**.:friend or foe?:.**

If you ever have trouble picturing how a robot works, think of it as being analogous to an animal.

You have your protectrons to start with. These are your dogs, potentially your cats. They're not particularly sophisticated unless they've got specialized programming, but what they do have - what programming they tend to be given as a default - is what we'd equate to instincts in an animal. A protectron patrolling an old station and asking for tickets to prove peoples' legitimacy as travellers is about on a level with a cat bringing in a dead baby molerat to leave on your floor. It isn't pleasant, but don't fight it unless you want to piss the thing off.

Then you have eyebots. Eyebots are a little bit simpler; they're like a pet prey animal that can turn mean if you poke it, otherwise largely harmless and easily ignored. They are the fat hamsters of modern robotics. The only thing you have to worry about is that sometimes they've got a camera strapped to them, and sadly it isn't as easy to spot said camera as it would be if you strapped one to an animal. So if the thought of Big Brother Enclave watching you is scary, avoid them. Otherwise? Don't bug them and they won't bug you.

These, along with the occasional sentry turret, make up the bulk of the dumber robots you'll see in the wastes. After that, they get smart.

Start with the Handy. A Handy is on a level with a parrot. They're social, emotionally dependent on being allowed to do what they're programmed to do, and it's easy to unintentionally screw with one until it goes crazy and starts trying to peck your fingers off. Be wary of the ones that don't have anything to do, because those are the ones that have had two hundred years to go loopy from isolation and boredom.

Next step up is your Gutsy. Your average Gutsy is kind of like a horse. Smart, flighty, jittery, and prone to overly energetic fits because of two hundred years of pent-up aggression. Except with a horse, all it can do is kick your teeth in and trample you; with a Gutsy, that aggression comes standard with a flamethrower. If you happen to come across one, avoid it unless you've got a full set of up-to-snuff T51-b on hand.

Assaultrons, those are like orcas. Orcas or dolphins. They are beautiful machines. Their silhouette is almost human in bad lighting. But unless they're clearly friendly, they will fuck up your day just for giggles. Do not go near an assaultron you don't know. Do not give them a chance to catch a glimpse of you. You will die, and there will be nothing left but a burnt smear on the ground. And if it is clearly friendly? Don't piss it off. Be nice. Be very, very nice.

You see, as we get into the more sophisticated robots, we start to see what the mentality was towards them during those final days. The big boys in charge wanted soldiers that wouldn't complain about rations or conditions, so they started making their robots more and more like predators. Securitrons, robobrains, sentry bots; these are your lions, your tigers, your bears. They're smart, they're big, and they can probably kill you. Probably will too, if you're not careful and respectful.

So if you're reading this, I hope you've gotten it through your head to be careful and respectful. Because if you're not, you're probably going to get murdered by robots. And you'll probably deserve it.

**.:destroy or control?:.**

Now, the next question that's probably going through your mind is about hacking, isn't it? Hacking your way into a robot's steely heart can have its appeal; with the dumber ones, it can lead to having your very own pet murderbot, complete with lasers. With the smarter ones, it might seem like the safest way to hypnotize it into not painting the pavement with your brains.

You are not going to be able to hack the smarter ones.

Let me make this clear: the smarter ones are smarter for a reason. Their programming is more sophisticated. The process of getting them to like you by screwing with their code is far more complex. The best you will be able to do is find an "off" switch, or maybe a secret password that applies to the proprietary software that they're equipped with. Short of a lot of outside research and time and effort spent trying to understand how that code works - or finding the specific-to-that-robot-line master code on a holotape somewhere - you will not be changing the way they think anytime soon.

Do not attempt to hack anything more complex than a Protectron without supervision, guidance, assistance, or a lot of hours poured into the particulars. You will fuck it up. You will die to accidental deletion of key DLLs in the friend-or-foe identification software. You will leave this world as you came into it - screaming and covered in blood - and it will be entirely your fault.

As for the dumber ones? Only try to hack them if they're hooked up to a terminal. Otherwise, think of them like a feral animal and keep your distance. You're not going to hack them by barking strings of numbers at them.

**.:symbiosis and singularity:.**

Science fiction has always had its share of humanlike robots. Androids, they're called; synthetic people, made to look like human beings. The degree of imitation is a question of complexity, both in terms of programming and overall appearance. There are a lot of things that go into making people look and act recognizably like people, and if any of those things are wrong, those people can quickly start to seem offputting.

This is why you don't see many androids. Simply put, making one that's convincing is fucking hard, and making one that isn't convincing can turn into nightmare fuel real quick.

But science has always liked to toy with questions of "why?" and "why not?", so it shouldn't be all that surprising that some dumb assholes have decided to do it anyway. That's right, people - there are robots that look and think and act like humans, made by idiots who want to have people as pets but don't want to have to think too hard about the morality of it. This is a thing that exists.

Remember that animal comparison? Well, this is the analogue to the human animal. Mentally, physically, emotionally. After all, it wouldn't be a convincing copy otherwise. And kind of like cruelty to other kinds of robots can be compared to animal cruelty, treating a synthetic human like anything less than a person should probably be seen as a little fucked up.

What I'm saying is this: Do not hack an android. Do not treat an android like property. Do not ever forget that an android has thoughts and feelings. But most importantly, _do not_ forget what the people back in 2077 forgot when they made their Protectrons and Handys.

Androids are robots. They will live for as long as their parts keep working, and they will remember everything that we do to them. Everything that happens to them. If you hurt them, you're hurting a person. That person will live for hundreds of years, and that person will remember what you did. Your survival in the wasteland - and the survival of any that meet that android afterward - might depend on how much kindness you've paid forward, just as it might with a human.

So, please. Don't be a dick.


End file.
